“Last Person on Earth Without One Capitulates, Buys iPhone” — Onion Headline, Circa 2027

Last Person on Earth Without One Buys iPhone

Minneapolis Realtor Ross Kaplan, 67 years old, officially became the last person on earth to purchase an iPhone last Saturday.

Leaving the Apple Store at Southdale, Kaplan said “my kids have been bugging me for decades to get one.  In fact, it was one of my grandkids who finally persuaded me to pull the trigger.  She said wouldn’t instant message me anymore if I didn’t get a better device.”

“So, I made her an offer:  “I’ll buy an iPhone, if you teach me how to use it.”

–imagined future headline in The Onion

Now that I bought an iPhone earlier today, someone else will have to be the butt of any future Onion headline mocking the dwindling band of global technology holdouts.

In truth, my purchase wasn’t so much an act of capitulation or playing catch-up as it was a lateral transfer:  I’ve been using another smart phone — HTC’s Android-based Evo — for about a year now, and simply wanted to try something new (to me) and different.

In particular, I’ve been curious about whether Siri, Apple’s voice recognition technology, is a beta-test gimmick, or truly ready for prime time.

First impression(s):  the iPhone is definitely different.

As far as better, I’ll let you know in a about a week or so . . .

About the author

Ross Kaplan has 19+ years experience selling real estate all over the Twin Cities. He is also a 12-time consecutive "Super Real Estate Agent," as determined by Mpls. - St. Paul Magazine and Twin Cities Business Magazine. Prior to becoming a Realtor, Ross was an attorney (corporate law), CPA, and entrepreneur. He holds an economics degree from Stanford.

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