60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Minnesota plant gardens.
50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Duluth sunbathe.
20 above zero:
Floridians use coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.
15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.
Twin Cities window washers show up five minutes early, add antifreeze to cleaning solution (true ” the home in question was mine).
Zero:
People in Miami all die.
Minnesotans close the windows.
25 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.
Gabriel Kaplan (my 17 year-old son) puts on long pants.
460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Minnesota start saying . . . “Cold ’nuff fer ya??”
500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late.
Impervious People ” and Animals
It’s not just people who are stoic about the weather here ” so are the animals.
In that vein, there was a story locally, years ago, about someone who was upset because their next-door neighbor left their dog (a husky) outside in the winter without any shelter.
Eventually, the local municipality must have ordered the dog owner to put up a shelter in their backyard, which they did.
The husky slept on top of it.
P.S.: For any smug East Coasters reading this blog: don’t be. The deep freeze is headed your way this weekend.
