[Editor’s Note: I originally ran a variation of this post more than 5 years(!) ago. Since then, I’ve noticed that it attracts hits either when Miami gets smacked with a cold blast (at least for them) — or Minnesota does. With air temps and wind chills locally soon expected to be -25° and -60°(!), respectively, it’s very much the latter case this time. My personal contributions are indicated with asterisks**].
60 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in Minnesota plant gardens.
50 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in Duluth sunbathe.
20 above zero:
Floridians use coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.
15 above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.
**Twin Cities window washers show up five minutes early, add antifreeze to cleaning solution (true ” the home in question was mine).
People in Miami all die.
Minnesotans close the windows.
25 below zero:
The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.
**Gabriel Kaplan (my 15 year-old son) puts on long pants.
460 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.)
People in Minnesota start saying . . . “Cold ’nuff fer ya?”
500 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late.
Impervious People ” and Animals
It’s not just people who are stoic about the weather here ” so are the animals.
In that vein, there was a story locally, years ago, about someone who was upset because their next-door neighbor left their dog (a husky) outside in the winter without any shelter.
Eventually, the local municipality must have ordered the dog owner to put up a shelter in their backyard, which they did.
The husky slept on top of it.
P.S.: For any smug East Coasters reading this blog: don’t be. The deep freeze is headed your way this weekend.