“Aging Out of . . . Alcohol(?!?)”

For a little while in my teenage years, my friends and I drank. It was fun. I have some fond memories of us all being silly together. I think those moments of uninhibited frolic deepened our friendships. 

But then we all sort of moved away from it. I don’t remember any big group decision that we should give up alcohol. It just sort of petered out, and, before long, we were scarcely using it.

We didn’t give it up for the obvious health reasons: that it is addictive in about one in six teenagers; that drinking and driving is a good way to get yourself killed; that young people who drink go on to suffer I.Q. loss and perform worse on other cognitive tests.

I think we gave it up, first, because we each had had a few embarrassing incidents. Drunk people do stupid things (that’s basically the point). I drank one day during lunch and then had to give a presentation in English class. I stumbled through it, incapable of putting together simple phrases, feeling like a total loser. It is still one of those embarrassing memories that pop up unbidden at 4 in the morning.

We gave it up, second, I think, because one member of our clique became a full-on alcoholic. He may have been the smartest of us, but something sad happened to him as he sunk deeper into drunkard life.

Third, most of us developed higher pleasures. Drinking was fun, for a bit, but it was kind of repetitive. Most of us figured out early on that drinking doesn’t really make you funnier or more creative (academic studies more or less confirm this). We graduated to more satisfying pleasures. The deeper sources of happiness usually involve a state of going somewhere, becoming better at something, learning more about something, overcoming difficulty and experiencing a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

So, like the vast majority of people who try alcohol, we aged out. We left liquor behind. I don’t have any problem with somebody who gets drunk from time to time, but I guess, on the whole, I think being drunk is not a particularly uplifting form of pleasure and should be discouraged more than encouraged.

–David Brooks, “Weed:  Been There.  Done That”; The New York Times (Jan. 2, 2014).

OK, I have a confession.

Brooks didn’t really use the terms, “alcohol,” “alcoholic,” “drunk,” and “drinking.”

I substituted them for his actual words — “marijuana,” “stoned,” and “smoking.”

Now, ask yourself this:  is Brooks’ piece a compelling case for making alcohol illegal (again)?

For arresting millions of people — especially young African-American males — who consume it?

For putting control of liquor manufacturing and distribution (back) into the hands of ruthless cartels and crime syndicates?

Nah, I didn’t think so.

“Been there, done that,” indeed.

About the author

Ross Kaplan has 19+ years experience selling real estate all over the Twin Cities. He is also a 12-time consecutive "Super Real Estate Agent," as determined by Mpls. - St. Paul Magazine and Twin Cities Business Magazine. Prior to becoming a Realtor, Ross was an attorney (corporate law), CPA, and entrepreneur. He holds an economics degree from Stanford.

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